I didn’t know it until yesterday, but apparently the rest of the world finds Anne Hathaway to be as phony and insufferable as I do. I’ll let Slate explain:

As for La Hathaway’s win this year, Dana, I had high hopes for the awfulsomeness of her speech, and that initial breathy whisper—so stagey, yet so obviously true!—made me briefly excited to think it might wind up an epochal event. But then it devolved into an earnest litany of agents and co-stars, a speech delivered by someone whose fear of appearing ridiculous overcame her innate ridiculousness. It’s a real shame. Leave Hathaway alone, Internet! How will she blossom into the sublime flower of wondrous faux-ingenuousness she is otherwise destined to be if you keep nipping her in the bud?

For a long time I thought I was being judge-y, and awful because every time Anne Hathaway opens her mouth I kind of want to slap her until she gets so mad she behaves like a real person. But apparently I’m not the only one who thinks she’s the worst.

Now, I don’t necessarily agree with Google that Hathaway is ugly — because, well, she’s not — but she does strike me as a big phony baloney. Which brings me to Jennifer Lawrence. Now, I don’t want to pit two young actresses against each other, but let’s be real… neither of them will ever see this… so whatevs…

I LOVED WINTER’S BONE! Jennifer Lawrence was even more badass in that movie than she is in The Hunger Games. But now that she’s everywhere, I’ve been thinking more about her. I thought Lawrence was a little stiff. She always seems mildly uncomfortable, and I didn’t know what to make of that… then Oscar night rolled around and I realized she was probably appearing uncomfortable whenever she had to watch what she says. When she’s able to be herself — even if it’s only because she just did a shot before being interviewed — she’s awesome. Or as Slate put it, she’s “baller”:

But it struck me that Lawrence’s response—like her laughing fit later that night when eye-groped by Jack Nicholson—was instructive. She’s from the newest generation of stars—a generation in which actresses are accreting ever-more power, and in which the appropriate response to gross old Jack is to laugh at him. Is Hollywood post-sexist? Of course not, Hollywood is still sexist as hell, and that was reflected in the Oscars, as it has been in every Oscar ceremony ever. But Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t give a damn. She’s baller.

While Hathaway appears to be a cloying wretch, so desperate for you to like her that every public moment of her life is an act, Lawrence seems to be the complete opposite. Part of me is surprised she didn’t show up to the Oscars in a dress from Target and sandals, because she kind of seems like she’s just doing shit on her own terms — and sometimes that means not pretending to be interested in Hollywood BS. And I think what I’m reading as her being uncomfortable is really just her not knowing what to say when what she really wants to yell is, “THIS SHIT IS DUMB!”

Yes, I realized that since Lena Dunham and I can’t be friends, Jennifer Lawrence is my new celebrity BFF! Her reaction to Jack Nicholson hitting on her, was similar to the one I had when an ancient meth head with hair down to his waist handed me his phone number while I was waiting for the bathroom in a dive bar in Los Banos, CA.

While this moment was hilarious, and got a lot of attention, there was a red carpet moment I liked even more. Someone showed her pictures of herself taken for some sort of ad campaign. Her response was to say that she loves Photoshop, and when the reporter suggested that how good she looked had nothing to do with Photoshop, she laughed and basically said, “People don’t look like that.”

Hell yeah! 

I’ve been wondering why such a pretty lady has been tasked with playing such badass characters…one after another. Now I know it’s because Jen — I can call her that, we’re besties now — is actually a lady to be reckoned with. It’s not often you find any celebrity who has the courage to say what’s on her mind (unless it’s some sort of horrendous reality troll) and be kind of goofy. I like it.

So, Jen, next time you’re shooting in Connecticut thanks to our awesome tax breaks for the entertainment industry, give me a call. We can hang out and trade stories about creepy old dudes who hit on us.

Also…I like food too…