I am sitting around my house musing about what I would do if I won the Powerball jackpot…even though I didn’t buy a ticket.

I don’t generally play the lotto. Every once in a while I’ll buy a scratch off, usually because the ticket makes me laugh. I once bought one with a picture of cows being abducted by a UFO and won $40. A week or so ago I was in the grocery store with my brother and I had a couple fortunes from fortune cookies on me — one of which said “A happy life is in front of you” — so I decided to play those numbers. But generally I don’t play the lotto and often don’t even really know when the drawings are… but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about how I’d spend $550,000,000.

Of course I’d start by paying off my bills, but that wouldn’t even put a dent in the money. Then I’d probably put a big hefty chunk of it into some sort of endowment for my favorite charities. (I mean honestly, I couldn’t spend that much money on myself even if I had a severe drug problem and actually liked fancy cars and stupid purses.) I’d set another chunk of it aside for requests from random friends and family members, and I’d probably pay a lawyer to deal with them.

Then I’d start having fun.

First, a vacation house somewhere in mountains — or maybe one of those houses on a private island off the coast. Somewhere my family can just head off to whenever they want to get away. Then I’d probably buy my parents and brother a new house — one with enough land/room for an in-law apartment for my Nana. I’d let my cousin move into the house I live in now for cheap rent, and I’d buy myself a mini-farm with a house that I can rehab and make uber-green. I’d also like a barn where I can put an office, because I’m still going to work at doing something.

And I’d think about busting some of the lifers out of the pound I used to volunteer at. I’d build a nice, cozy, home-like place for them to stay and hire a trainer so that they might be able to actually be part of a family someday.

I’d travel. I’d write. Hell, maybe I’d even start a little publishing company of my own.

What would you do with that unseemly amount of money?